“Family Constellations is one method of making hidden dynamics in a family visible.”
I have come to feel passionately that working in a circle of people, we come back to a deeply human sense of our connection to our families and to each other. Working systemically, a constellation creates a living map of the system that we are born into, revealing the hidden dynamics underneath what we habitually perceive. When brought to light and acknowledged, burdens can lighten and entanglement loosen, letting us live our lives more fully and giving us a greater sense of belonging.
We often see our problems as purely personal, but sometimes what troubles us is part of our family system. This can manifest as:
Feeling stuck no matter what you do
Repeating patterns
Feelings of loneliness and isolation
Addictions
Problems finding, keeping or staying in relationships
Lack of success in an area of life
Feeling burdened by life
Constellations work via the body, by sensing in to what is happening in the present moment, rather than focusing on the story. A picture of the system we are inhabiting then emerges and this is what we work with, acknowledging the truth of how things are and finding openings for change.
By staying open and connected, representing and being part of a constellation circle, can itself be a healing experience and there is something very powerful about working in a group, where there are often common themes and resonances.
What is family constellations?
How do constellations work?
All families are connected within a system governed by the natural laws that Hellinger, the creator of family constellations, called The Orders of Love. When these orders are disrupted, usually through unacknowledged grief, excluded family members and traumatic events, the system will try to rebalance itself, creating repetitive patterns of trauma, resulting in family members not really knowing why they feel the way they do. Once the orders have been restored, there is often a feeling of release and relief as energy starts to flow through the system again and a sense of belonging is restored.
When we set up a constellation, we are uncovering the hidden dynamics causing the issue or symptoms. Once this has been revealed, it is possible to find the healing movements and sentences that restore balance to the whole system.
The best way to know how they work is to experience them!
What happens in a constellation?
The constellation starts before you get to the workshop.
At the beginning of the constellation, we will spend sometime talking about what issue you are bringing, look at any facts that are relevant to what you are bringing and find out what you want for yourself from doing the work. You will then be asked to choose people from the holding circle to represent different people and aspects of your issue. Putting your hands on their shoulders, you will place them in the room. This is the set up of the constellation.
Once the constellation starts, there won’t necessarily be much talking. As the representatives tune in to what is happening for them, a picture emerges of the “shape” of the family system. You might be brought in to the constellation as yourself, or you might be asked to watch. The facilitator will find out what is going on for the representatives either by watching, talking or standing with them. They may ask you or the representatives to say healing sentences, move people within the constellation, or bring in more representatives. Constellations happen in the moment - there is no set formula.
After the constellation, you might want to remember the final image of the constellation, but otherwise it is best to let it carry on working without trying to make sense of it or talking about it. Insights and shifts happen in their own time and without forcing - it’s really important to be gentle and let the constellation take the time it needs to take.